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The German (excerpt)
Blind Man’s Bluff
Casual and Unobtrusive
Extra Strong
Cross
First time Bloomer
Hostage
Ideal Parties
A little Life
The Bowling Alley
The Other Woman
The Bird
Lost
No excuses
There were Two of them
The Signing
Philosophy of Silence
Precisely
Real Ugly Things
Situations
Small Town Diners
The In The Forest Thing
Underneath
Universe
The Shop Assistant
What it’s like being a man
Alternative Ending
The Incident
The secret Dialogues
Worded stimulation for the little urges inbetween

Real Ugly Things.   

As with all good things the best part of good things is that when they go wrong they turn into the worst things. Perhaps that is not exactly the best part about them perhaps it actually is the worst part about them. So I rephrase right here. The worst part about good things is that when they turn sour they often become the worst things. They can get really really ugly. They don’t have to turn sour though, not necessarily but they sometimes do.

Now I am some kind of specialist at turning pretty good things into pretty ugly things. Mostly for myself and in my head but somehow they grow out of there and what is an ugly daydream at first, soon becomes reality. For me anyway, it’s that imagination I have, some say it’s good to have imagination some say it’s bad. What it does though is it blurs what is really there to a point were you can’t really see what’s real and what’s not, cause in your head it all blurs together and becomes one pulp that is whichever way it is. So you can make real ugly things look real nice, but you can also make real pretty things look ugly.

Due to that fact, some people would naturally refer to such a person as a dope or a knuckle head or an idiot or just plain stupid and naturally one can not argue with that, not too much anyway, cause of course they are right.

What happens when you start turning real good things into real ugly things is that everything around you turns real ugly as well slowly but at an accelerating speed.

You start becoming this ugly person and when you are that person, people don’t want to hang around to much cause you are starting to be a drag and what a drag does is drag things down, that’s why it’s called a drag.

Once you become a drag there isn’t really anything good about you anymore and as much as you like to go and drag someone, eventually no one wants to be dragged and more to the point there wont be anyone to drag no more.

Anyhow that’s something I am real good at turning something good into something bad and becoming a drag and not just any old drag but a real good one, like if there was a price to be the best drag I would probably get it. Another thing that a drag is good at is being a pusher or pushy someone who keeps pushing people, who keeps poking them, till they finally had enough, which is when they leave, so the pusher succeeded, cause he managed to push yet another someone out of their life. Another thing a drag does is they drag themselves down. It’s like that, they tie a heavy stone to both their legs than jump into the water naturally its much easier to go down that way then to stay level or even go up. Boy, I tell you a drag can be a real pain in the arse and a pain in the arse isn’t a solution for anything.

 

Once you got there it gets quite hard to surface again for two reasons, firstly the drag finds it hard to untie those rocks from his legs cause they stretch downward naturally and anything that got some tension is hard to untie. The other reason is that in a moment of clarity the drag realises that he is behaving like a moron. That’s were paranoia comes in cause by that time everyone knows that he is a moron, although they don’t talk about that much, cause who likes wasting time talking about a moron. So even if the moron or the drag manages to untangle that knot around his legs and manages to surface again, he is gonna feel as if everyone who’s been around for that length of time will look at them and think, “gee you’ve been a right arse.” And they have been and they know it, so they get real quiet and don’t want to hang around people they know no more, cause they know damn well that all a drag is, is a drag. There is really nothing good about being a drag, unless you like feeling like a moron or an arse or just a plain stupid idiot. But who does tell me, who does and I tell you they don’t, they just have no idea how to be different anymore, cause their perspective has disappeared, their horizon is gone, their vision is blurred and they can’t see where they are going no more.

It’s really quite sad if you think about it especially when once a long time ago you liked that person who turned to become a drag. Another thing a drag is, is a liability and who likes to have a liability around all the time, I mean who really asks for that extra responsibility when clearly people are more concerned about not being a drag, but being what they are a solemnly nice person.

I am not saying it’s easy to be a drag it’s actually quite a hard job and a fulltime job at that. Some people wouldn’t be able to be one at all it just wouldn’t work for them. You can be a part time drag, that would be someone who has their moments of being generous and nice even bordering on sweet at times. But boy I tell you being a drag is hard work especially cause there are so little rewards. It’s just something you have to get on with.

 

For a drag to be a good drag they have to spend loads of time by themselves and feel like the world really hates them so that they can dislike everything. Then the next time they head out, they really got it in for everyone. Partially cause by that time, they are so paranoid that they truly believe everybody is out to make their life more miserable, which borders on the impossible.

The one thing about being a drag, that I find irritating is that you have to follow all these rules to be really good at it and I personally hate following other peoples rules.

So what may happen is that you decide to rebel and do the exact opposite of what you are supposed to do. Then however you become somehow rather popular attracting a lot of attention and instead of being the drag you want to be, you are being dragged on by others who then you will refer to as “Gee so and so is such a bloody drag.”

And even better, you will actually have someone you can tell that too, cause you got plenty of friends.

 

Some things that go through your head are truly strange, someone ever tell you that?

© Marcus Bastel